Dear Mr. Herbstreit:

It is a sad, sad day, my love. With a very heavy heart, I am writing to tell you that I have to move on. It isn’t you, it’s me. I am afraid after many years of being devoted to you, your commentating skills, the crisp clean suits you wear and that gorgeous blond hair, I find my eyes wandering elsewhere. Yes, we’ve had some good times…I truly believe that you have always been fair to me (and my beloved Huskers), but maybe this “break” is for the best.

You will forever be in my heart, and I won’t forget all you’ve done for me and all you’ve taught me about the art of college football. Yes, there might be a day that I come crawling back, begging you to take me back, but for now I need to take my chances with someone new. When I look at this person, I hear a choir of angels singing, the clouds part and the sun shines ever so bright. There are no questions that need to be answered, no worrying about bills to pay or laundry to be done. All the world is right. I know you will be hurt, but remember, we had a good run, and who knows what the future holds for us.
Sincerely,

Jesse Palmer’s NEW GIRLFRIEND
(Isn’t he a HOTTIE, chicas?! –HOLY SMOKES!)