Wednesday, November 25, 2009

To Friend, or Not to Friend…

…That is the question!

At the beginning of October, I randomly went into a bar with a friend to have some drinks after a long day at work. It must’ve been my lucky day, because the bartender working was extremely good-looking.

The friend I was with (who is Engaged) noticed him noticing me, etc. etc. etc. and decided to take matters into her own hands. (Gotta love attached people = No Shame!) She started asking him questions, getting the info from him about his life, and then started asking me questions in front of him to sort of “help” us get to know each other. Apparently, bartending is a part-time gig for him, and he usually only works Wednesdays. (Did I mention he’s really cute?! Okay, wanted to make that clear.)

Anyway, when we were leaving (sans any digits or a plan to see him again), I hugged my friend and said “I’ll see you next weekend,” to which Bartender said “Next Wednesday?” I just smiled, laughed a little bit, then left. (I wonder why I’m still single?! SERIOUSLY.)

A couple of weeks went by, and in the meantime, I had told another friend (I’ll call her “Irish”) about this dude, just in a passing conversation, like “he was really cute, he works ‘here,’ blah blah GIRL TALK…” and she replied with “I know somebody that works with him! I’ll get the skinny.” (She didn’t use the word skinny. I like that word. I’m improvising here. Go with it.)

Anyway, a couple of weeks went by, and I didn’t hear anything, and I honestly didn’t think anything of it. Irish then calls me out of the blue and says that Bartender had asked her friend about me. (I cringe when I think of the series of events & conversations that went into them realizing that they knew some of the same people. It’s part of the minor control-freak in me.)

Not taking NO for an answer and despite my crimson-colored face, Irish takes me to the bar the following Wednesday. (Note to everyone reading? I LOATHE situations like this. I feel like I’m produce in the supermarket: “Hey you, look at me, pick me! Pick Me! No, don’t walk past me! Hello?!”)

And so I do what I am known to do in situations like this: I CLAM UP. I don’t speak. Not a single peep can be heard from me for most of the night. (Note to all who think I talk too much? Put me in a room with someone I think is good-looking and a potential mate, and you won’t believe your eyes. It’s truly flabbergasting.)

He must’ve thought I was the biggest freak in the bar. I mean, COME ON, Valerie! Get it together! You can have a conversation with an inanimate object, yet you can’t talk to a cute Bartender? What the hell is wrong with you?!


Feeling really upset with myself, and a little deflated, I pay my tab, and head to the car with my buddies. IRISH, God love her (99.9% of the time), says she has to go back into the bar to go to the bathroom, and wanted to go alone. I don’t know why I didn’t think to question this further, but I didn’t. She went back in to talk to him for me! WHAT. THE. HELL?!? I love this girl, but, WHAT?! Did she pass him a note that said:

Do you like Valerie?
(circle one)


Mortified. That’s what I was after I realized what she was doing.

She came out and said, “Well, Val, he ‘Friended’ you on Facebook, but you never accepted him.” (Her tone was ‘Well, duh! That’s why the two of you aren’t together and happily in love by now! Didn’t you know?!)

In my defense, I didn’t realize it was HIM sending me a Friend Request at the time. His profile pic had a few people in it, and was blurry, and I didn’t know his last name. I feel like those are all valid reasons to not accept a random friend request. (Right?!)

Which leads me to the reason for the long story.

It’s been a source of debate between my friends & I, whether or not to accept his Friend Request on Facebook.

My side has many reasons why I DON’T think it’s a good idea.
1) I’m a goofy, goofy person on Facebook. I use it as nothing more than entertainment (for myself, mainly), and think that letting him into that this early would be a MISTAKE. He doesn’t need to see the whole CRAZY TRAIN before even getting to the STATION!!
2) I don’t want him looking through my pictures. I don’t want that to deter him, yet I don’t want to have to alter my page because I’m trying to impress him. For crying out loud, THIS is one of my profile pictures!!

3) I ultimately think that getting to know someone through Facebook (or anything like it) is a cop out. I think it takes away from the face-to-face time that people used to use in order to get to know each other. Why should he be able to peruse my Facebook Info page and photos to find out valuable information about me, when he could just take an hour or two to talk to me and find out the same stuff?

I realize I’m probably over-thinking this, and most people’s response will be like “It’s FACEBOOK, dummy! Not that big of a deal!” but I just don’t see it like that. On the flip side, I’m not sure how soon I’ll be venturing into that bar again or when I’ll see him again to rectify the situation. I’m still a little embarrassed from what happened last week.

I'm at a crossroads. Do I accept the Friend Request and take the chance he’ll think I’m a freak just from looking at my page? Or do I rely on the old adage: “If it’s meant to happen, it will”??

Welcome Aboard the Crazy Train, people!


Starfighter Tigerlily said...

"in situations like this: I CLAM UP. I don’t speak." THIS. to the nth power.

P.S. Facebook is the devil.

Laura said...

OMG! You didn't tell me he "friended" you. At first I was totally on board for you to "friend" him... then I read on and now agree with you. Facebook makes it too easy for him to get to know you.

p.s. I can't go out next Wednesday because I'm flying to Dallas Thursday morning... HOWEVER the following Thursday??? It is on!! Just let me know!

Susie said...

...on the other hand, you can friend him and then see if you have anything in common, then go from there. What if his favorite movie is New Moon Val?? I mean, what if?? That's a good conversation starter right there...