Thursday, August 13, 2009

Too Late...

Note:This list might be harsh, and I might lose my tween fan-base (and my good friend Anisa might stop reading too), but this comes from months, if not years, of pent-up frustration. I have kept quiet for too long. I’ve tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. I even made myself sit through the E! True Hollywood Story (or whatever that was). I can’t take it anymore!! She’s everywhere! She’s even invaded WAL-MART. I went in to get detergent & light bulbs the other day, and after seeing her face plastered all over the store, I walked out with a six-pack of Bud Light and some tequila! Lord help us All!

Top Ten things I would say to Miley Cyrus if I had the chance: *

10. Invest in some acting lessons. Hanna Montana isn’t going to be around forever, and soon you’re going to find out that “over-acting” only works for Jim Carrey & Will Farrell. Let’s face it…you’re not a middle-aged man!

9. YES, you have big lips--we get it. They’re big even when you don’t pucker up for EVERY SINGLE PHOTO. When you do that, it makes you look ridiculous.

8. You’re a role model for little girls, regardless of whether or not you want to be. So, although you’re only 16 and have every right to have fun, you need to act accordingly.

7. Acting like you’re having SPASMS while singing/performing on stage isn’t HOT or SEXY or CUTE, especially when you’re singing a song about being a “strong woman.”

6. Flashing the Peace Sign in pictures is for Rappers & Hippies. Last time I checked, you were a skinny white girl from Tennessee...please, cut it out.

5. Being called "The Next Britney Spears” is NOT a compliment. Before you make a decision, think to yourself “WWBD?” (What Would Britney Do?) and then DO THE EXACT OPPOSITE.

4. Dating a Jonas Brother is never going to get you any Street Cred! RUN AWAY, Miley, RUN AWAY!!

3. Who’s idea was the Stripper Pole at the TEEN Choice Awards? I reaaaally hope it wasn’t yours. Refer to #8. Then fire whoever suggested it in the first place.

2. Child Stardom is a slippery slope. One minute you’re on top of the world, the next minute you’re getting arrested for assaulting a male transvestite. Two Words: Danny Bonaduce. Just Sayin'

And the Number One thing I would say to Miley Cyrus if I had the chance:

1. Please, for the love of God & all that is Holy, PUT SOME CLOTHES ON already!

*After, of course, I got her autograph for my boss’s two little girls and took my picture with her…..sporting the Peace Sign, of course!


Anne said...

Well said...

I agree 110%.


Anonymous said...

I agree with everything you said 100%! I can't stand her!!


Susie said...

Even my 10 year old niece is over Hannah Montana...Demi Lovato is where it's at now Val!